PS3 jackaloons, if you've got a headset, and some free time, read on.

[Tummibear]

Alright kiddos, you know what time it is. Listen, I'm in a spot of bother, I'm looking for some hip, cool, groovy, rad cats to get down on some Fumigation perchance. (Primarily because it's the only game type anyone is playing.)

Now, I'm not looking for any super elite players, just people who understand that,
A.) Objective number 2 is almost always top priority as it is a transition point between 1 and 3 and allows for easier traffic flow when you control it.

B.) If your loadout isn't working. Change something.

C.) Look, I don't care what you say, Donkey Kong 64 is to date, the single best N64 title made by Rare. Yes, I know that Goldeneye was popular and that Diddy Kong Racing was dope. Yes, Perfect Dark was also made by Rare, yadda yadda yadda. I'm just saying, you got to use the bananas you collected for once, the DK coins mattered (Finally), unlocking characters was integrated into level design and story, Multiplayer maps, FPS action, Racing, Platforming/Adventure, creative environments, a rockin' soundtrack. You can't go wrong with DK64. Plus the boss fights are too cool for school, a huge step up from DK country 3 (which also had some great bosses.)
But I digress.

D.) It's not always prudent or wise to sit with your whole team at one objective. It should only take 2-3 max people to capture and hold an objective in a full game.

Now give that a minute to sink in.
...
Make yourself a snack, maybe a rotisserie steak with a side of funnel cakes.
...
Are you back? Great! Now, with all the crybabies who detest strategy and tremble at the thought of unleashing their saiyan pride gone, let's get down to business, shall we?

If the above mentioned propaganda has put your skills into doubts, don't be afraid. Basically if you've read it, you've got it down. Hold the high traffic area for as long as possible, keep your loadouts sharp, defend yourself and know when to cover your team. Now, don't get the wrong idea, I'm not looking for an 8.0 KD spread or whatever, I'm not looking for a win/lose ratio of +15, I'm just looking for people who are down with the brown and want to utilize some strategy, some mic play and maybe have a ton of laughs along the way.

Now ask yourself, Is that too much to ask to help celebrate the hottest time of the year? [Summer] The time when all the bugs come out and you have to get your house sprayed?
Maybe start going for walks because you're looking to impress that special somebody that odds are you won't talk to, maybe getting your legs tan in the process.
Fill up the pool for the little kids, while secretly worrying that someone will see you sitting in it.
Get a tattoo or a piercing that says, "I'm tough, but not too tough. I still want people to find me non-threatening, but I also don't want to look like a pushover." But you're the boss, hoss.
And, maybe...Just maybe... if you're brave enough... we could change the world. We could be Gotham City no lifers.
Or something to that aspiration.

Sound good? Great! You've got guts kid! I really like your stuff!

Now, two final things, I know I've rambled long enough, but chiggity check this out homies, I'm not trying to be rude but kiddies need not apply. No offense, I'm sure some of you are dopenasty, and probably have tons of friends and likes on facebook because you link memes from 2004. Maybe your uncle shared a picture of you at his house or something recently. And needless to say, I'm just as impressed at your many minor feats as you are, but look, it's not me...It's you, and I just think we should see other people. People our own age-ish.

Also, odds are if you're anything like I was as a kid when I was playing video games, you probably don't get out much and are starting to realize all the exploits and tricks of the game that come only from complacent programming. Which is good and all, but bad for your health. Trust me on this fool.

So! With that out of the way dearie, try this on for size: Oldies, fatties, skinnies, palies, Jamaicans, clowns, necromancers, golems, goblins, ghosts, ghouls, molerats, Macaulay Culkin, Sarah Jessica Parker, Ugly, Pretty, Tall, Small, Donkey boys and the like, I don't care who you are or what you do for a day job. (Not in a cruel way mind you. I mean, if you got a promotion or just got a new job, that's fantastic in the United States [Or if you live somewhere else... I mean, good for you, I guess.] and you deserve to be proud-ish. Unless you're an attractive female. In which case, based on my own mental statistics, you are far more likely to be hired than any other classification of human being in the world for entry level positions... Pretty much anywhere, right? You don't need to rub it in. UUGH.)--
Oh yeah, back to what I was saying, it doesn't matter what's going on with *points at cha.* all this.
But if you think you've got decent enough game, a taste for bad humor, and a headset, jump on board with Tummibear and we'll ride off into the sunset.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=76O94dMT-nI

ALRIGHT, LET'S DO THIS!

Note: I do curse quite a bit. Especially when on a hot losing streak. If that turns you off, well then this entire wall of sour comedy was a waste, and I will not forget your transgression.


Not to be taken if you are nursing, pregnant, or have a history of seizures, anemia or spiritual possession.
Talk to your doctor and see if Tummibear is right for you.
That's 1-800-get on PSN now.
That's 1-800-get on PSN now.
That's 1-800-get on PSN now.
If you get on now, there's veeeeeery little chance that I will be on GCI, as I started writing this early in the morning and just realized when the sun was coming up that I hadn't gone to sleep.
So odds are, that's what I'll be doing for a bit.

But- since my XBL is out, and I'm too lazy to go steal some stuff, I'll probably be on PSN a little more frequently.

Not to be taken with: Placebos of any sort, gamma radiation or orphans with vast fortunes.
But if you get on now, we'll triple the offer! I'll sleep while you twiddle with your thumbs.

Just add and send a message saying you're here for the GCI teamz and I'll get right on that...Sometime.
I really will get to it. But if you're planning on waiting, I suggest grabbing that rotisserie steak we talked about.
Or if you're a vegan.... Whatever vegans eat.

I'll never forget those precious times we shared together, and the aroma of the fresh cut grass, or the feel of the soft rays of the warm sun on my rotten flesh.
Hope to see you there, sincerely yours...
Tummibear.

[evlmdgt]

Somewhere in the stream of consciousness there is a thread topic screaming to be heard.

[Tummibear]

You read me like a book.